Self-love, self-hate

Dr Bach had quite a bit to say about self-love, for example, “Self-love is a denial of Unity and the duty we owe to [others] by putting the interests of ourselves before the good of humanity and the care and protection of those immediately around us.”  But there is another definition of self-love which may not have been in use when Dr Bach was writing in the 1930s.  Whereas he was talking about self-interest, selfishness, egotism and narcissism, nowadays we more often think of self-love as the need or ability to feel self-esteem and worthy of love.

In a poem about loving ourselves fully and unconditionally, Caroline Bird writes provocatively, “You may now kiss the mirror” (‘Megan Married Herself’).  Too often we feel unhappy about ourselves – how we look in the mirror, our actions, the part we play in our relationships – and we end up despising or disliking ourselves, often for no good reason.  It can lead to depression and despair and when we look at the energy of this negative feeling we check the remedies in the Group Despair and Despondency – and sure enough, that’s where we find Crab Apple.

Crab Apple is for those who feel unclean or unacceptable in some way.  It may be a disgust on a mental level rather than a physical level.  But it often manifests as a pre-occupation with keeping things clean, excessive showering etc.  It can be typical of those in the despondent state needing Crab Apple that they focus on little things – eg their windows need frequent washing – as a way of over-compensating for not liking themselves or feeling ‘I have no value’. 

When self-love goes bad, we find – as with any of the negative emotions – that we’re focused on ourselves rather than on others.  If we are not able to love ourselves properly, it will prove hard to consider and love others as they deserve.  Crab Apple helps us to see things in perspective and redress that balance.