Losing Confidence?

Are you finding that your confidence has slipped during this long period of lockdown and self-isolation?  Maybe you feel hesitant about certain commitments now, eg doing a face-to-face presentation after all this time on zoom.   These last 12+ months have changed our lifestyles so completely that it’s only natural to feel we are ‘out of practice’ with some of the activities we used to take for granted¸ and only natural we feel a bit anxious or doubtful about taking them up again.

Larch is the flower remedy which can help with sagging confidence levels.  When we know that we can probably do what is required but feel the risk of failing is too great, Larch restores our self-esteem.    If the anxiety is a fear, for example being with strangers in a confined space, then the remedy to choose would be Mimulus.  The Larch concern is different, it’s the feeling that one will automatically fail and therefore it’s not worth accepting the challenge.   That’s why it is in the Despondency Group, someone needing it becomes despondent because they can see a golden opportunity passing them by, maybe a chance to progress or make a mark in the world, but they despair of being able ‘to make the grade’.

Comparing Larch to Hornbeam, the latter procrastinates owing to an uncertainty that they have enough energy or strength.  Larch is not procrastinating but declining because of believing they’re not good enough, or will make a mess of it.  “In effect, you live life with the brakes on.” ~ Lynn MacWhinnie.

Taking Larch will help us to seize the opportunity and ensure that, win or lose, we won’t be discouraged by the results, because we will have learnt from the experience and expanded our understanding of our role in the world.

 

Photo: Mike Cassidy

“There is freedom waiting for you,

On the breezes of the sky,

And you ask ‘What if I fall?’

Oh but my darling,

What if you fly?”

~ Erin Hanson

 

Love and Understanding

At this time when there seems to be so much malice, hostility, cruelty and anger, the content of this post* makes very welcome reading, and some of the inspiration from Thich Nhat Hanh is quoted below.

We may hear the word anger and automatically think of Holly, but as you’ll see in the article linked below, our first step needs to be to look at our understanding.  And to include in that understanding not only the suffering of others, but our own suffering which may be something we’ve never really examined closely before. 

“Understanding is love’s other name.” 

Every one of the flower remedies works to increase our self-knowledge and understanding, our self-compassion and thus understanding and compassion for others. 

Image by @LovePlantlife

Agrimony is just the first remedy to spring to mind regarding suffering.  The caption to this @LovePlantlife picture tells us that it was a fairy’s wand, used to ward off goblins.  What are goblins if not those demons of fear, guilt or unworthiness; or a lack of self-love or confidence which colour our every waking thought and affect our relationships with others?

“Your understanding of your own suffering helps your loved one to suffer less.”

Agrimony is needed when we hide, even from ourselves, how much we are suffering.  Others are not allowed to see beyond our mask of cheerfulness as we can’t bear anyone to ‘touch’ the pain inside.  We keep our pain (and other people) at arm’s length by jollity, lively chat and social activity, and consequently we cannot love them as they deserve to be loved because there is all this body-armour keeping our hearts apart.  Agrimony helps us to face our pain courageously and give it love and understanding so that we can love and understand others.

“The more you understand the more you love; the more you love, the more you understand.”

Taking whichever flower remedies we currently need helps us to develop our ability to listen deeply to others.  ‘Understanding’ means literally to stand beneath – we then become a foundation stone for others, and use our love to support them in how they build their lives, their hopes, and their dreams.

 

* Brain pickings on How to Love: https://bit.ly/3tk5xmz)  which provided the quotes in this blog, all by Thich Nhat Hanh.

 

When the Willow flower remedy can help

Seeing this beautiful stand of willows in their new green leaf, I hurried home to consult my books* as there are over 300 varieties and the Bach Flower Remedy is made from Salix vitellina.  It may not always be the ‘weeping’ variety but this one, with its drooping foliage really epitomises the emotional state when we need Willow.

Those needing Willow are unlikely to say, ‘I’m weeping with self-pity’ for they do not see their response as clearly as that.  Usually Willow’s resentment is articulated by comparing their situation to others’, to their own disadvantage.  The self-pity stems from resentment – other people never have such bad luck, such poor health, so little money, so few friends or such an unloving family, “as I always seem to suffer”.  It is a Martha-like attitude: in the Bible Martha was too busy doing the housework to sit down, like her sister Mary, and listen to Jesus, and Martha resented that.  Willow types have a martyrish attitude (it even sounds like Martha!): ‘It’s alright for you, but I’m always the one who has to do all the work, even though I’m tired out and no-one ever gives me a hand or thinks I would like time off.  It’s so unfair.’   From this we can see how a critical element reminiscent of Beech creeps in, although Beech is a remedy for those in a ‘controlling’ mood (being in the Group Overcare for the Welfare of Others) whereas Willow is in the Despair Group.  Beech actively wants to ‘improve’ others; Willow despairs that life will ever improve.

Gwenda states in her book* that willow trees excrete a compound into the soil to discourage other plants from growing near them and taking the available nutrients.  In this sense willow trees are similar to beech trees which also prevent other trees growing close by – and indeed, both remedy states find other people avoid them, deterred by their negative and destructive emotions. But just as all trees are beautiful, so too do the flower essences transform us from a negative mind-set to a state of positive, glowing, sunshiny, new growth.

* One Person’s Journey, Nicola Hanefeld, BFRP

*The Plants of Dr Bach, Gwenda Kyd, BFRP

That fluttery feeling of anxiety ...

I look at this cartoon and Aspen springs to mind – the passengers who had an uneasy feeling, a foreboding about travelling on that aircraft that day.

Aspen is for the fears which seem to be groundless, with no basis in fact, which is why people who need it often do not mention their worries as they expect to be ridiculed.  For me, there is a point on a public footpath which always gives me the creeps.  It’s a footpath I only use in daylight and it’s open on 3 sides, leading to a ramp over the dual-carriageway. It’s only when I am at the top of the ramp that I breathe freely again.  I can’t say what it is that makes me apprehensive and therefore it is not a Mimulus fear – which it would be if I was scared of being mugged.

Aspen fears are felt more in the psyche than in the brain.  Mimulus is more for fears on the physical and mental plane – getting hurt, being killed, having our vulnerability exposed – for example when we are afraid of walking through a herd of cows, seeing a spider in the bath, going to the dentist or speaking in public.  Aspen is more for inexplicable fears from a nebulous level outside of ourselves.

Aspen is not necessarily about having a premonition or a fear of disaster (as hinted at in this cartoon).  A healthy instinct for something wrong should not be ignored; it is not a negative emotion.  Aspen is for the negative or unhealthy emotion of unfounded fear, fear without a cause, which affects our peace and tranquillity, such as when children can’t face going upstairs alone.

 

Cherry Plum

I’ve been learning about Cherry Plum this week. I say ‘learning’ because there’s nothing like experiencing a negative emotion for oneself in order to really understand the corresponding remedy.  Dr Bach knew this, and discovered many of his plants by suffering the emotion that would lead him to find his next flower essence.

Whilst Cherry Plum in the books is always shown as ‘fear of the mind giving way’, in our everyday lives a translation of that could be ‘fearful of showing anger to protect our vulnerability’.  We may not always be aware of feeling vulnerable but it is that which lies behind our fear – that we are not in control of a situation; that someone is dominating or manipulating us in an unacceptable way; or we feel threatened by interference with our freewill or even personal space, and we don’t know how to resolve the issue.

Early man would have felt vulnerable against attacks by wild animals with their superior strength, speed and fighting power.  His vulnerability worked to develop weapons and fire to ‘control’ his fear.  In this modern age we may live with fear on a daily basis, unconsciously, but we deal with it or sublimate it in a variety of ways.  But all fear is an expression of vulnerability – on every level, physical, emotional or mental.  And when we feel threatened because the situation is out of our control, then like a wild animal caught in a trap or fence, we want to snarl or bite to protect ourselves.

Thus Cherry Plum might help us more often than we realise.  When we’d like to throw a file at the boss, or ram the car in front because it had dangerously cut us up, or our mother-in-law comes out with her usual critical remarks, then our frustration is our vulnerability speaking and a dose of Cherry Plum will help.

My own vulnerability is to the fore at present: I feel like a bee buzzing at a window – unable to get out and going mad in the attempt.  I feel I’m being manipulated in a way that makes me want to say something I would be bound to regret.  But so much in our relationships with others is about perception rather than reality, that I know a dose or two of Cherry Plum will restore my emotional balance, soothe my vulnerability and improve my response to the situation.

Letting Go

I talked here last time about saying No, how it related to many remedies and how learning to say no, rather than yielding to the desire to follow our emotional fault lines, is the road to growth.

Another way of looking at this topic is to consider it from the angle of ‘letting go’.  What does that involve?  It means, in essence, declining to be in thrall to those emotions, judgements and opinions that we’ve zealously hung on to for so long.  Those needing Chicory are a prime example.  The ‘mother hen’ who won’t allow her ‘chicks’ out of her sight, constantly making a bid for their attention and interfering in their lives (with the best intentions, she believes), hurt when they appear capable of running their (adult) lives without her, and when they reject her advice or well-meaning instructions.  Chicory needs to ‘let go’ and to learn by virtue of taking the flower remedies appropriately, that we don’t own our family.  Letting go of that possessiveness will not mean losing her family but on the contrary, draw them closer as her love becomes more unconditional.

Many, if not most, of the remedies can be seen in this light of learning to let go. Chicory is in the Group Overcare for the Welfare of Others, and all essences in that Group can learn to give up their prejudices, and insistence of what’s right, either for themselves or others, when they let go of trying to control people.  Vervain, Vine, Rock Water and Beech all come under this umbrella.

Those requiring Pine meanwhile need to release the hold that guilt has over them and to move on.  Crab Apple needs to let go of the fear that she will never be clean enough.  The right selection of remedies will help us relinquish unnecessary worries and uncertainty. Giving up fear and doubt makes room to let in confidence and hope, optimism and strength.

“In the pursuit of learning, every day something is acquired.  In the pursuit of Tao, every day something is dropped.” ~ Lao Tse, 48

As we let go of our concerns and negative emotions so we slough off the defence mechanisms that we’ve built up over the years to protect us.  For instance, the speed at which we take offence (Holly), the inability to stop thinking about it (White Chestnut, a resistance to change (Walnut), our impatience with others (Impatiens), or a lack of interest in them (Heather).

Perhaps the saddest thing about negativity is that we think it is holding us prisoner, whereas in fact we are the ones who will not release our grip on it.

Artwork by Leunig

Grow by saying No

What remedy should be chosen when you can’t say no, asked Bach practitioner Suchitra Hari of her Instagram audience.  Clearly, Centaury is the flower we immediately think of, but looking deeper it’s possible to consider many – if not most – of the remedies in terms of being unable or unwilling to say no.

For instance, we need Beech if we can’t say no to the temptation of criticising those around them.  Or Willow if we can't refuse a chance to wallow in self-pity; Heather if we can’t resist an opening to talk about ourselves. Hornbeam when we can’t say no to an excuse to procrastinate. And so on.

Obviously the inability to say no is very different in the case of Centaury, not least because as Dr Bach pointed out, “Centaury, she is weak, I know [but she will] soon grow bigger and stronger.” But the real lesson in saying no, lies in the fact that to grow spiritually, emotionally and mentally we need to be able to recognise those occasions when we’re inclined to think or do something against our better judgment, against our intuitive wisdom.  “I can resist anything but temptation,” said Oscar Wilde, and part of our learning in this life is recognising when temptation arises, and that it is an opportunity to face our demon, to identify our ‘fault lines’, to develop self-discipline, and to overcome an obstacle to growth so that we are stronger and wiser when we face the next.

Here are a few more Bach flowers to test your knowledge of both the remedies and your default inclinations when you are in need of:

White Chestnut                can’t resist ….

Wild Oat                           is tempted by …

Water Violet                     can’t say no to …

Holly                                is very inclined to …

Impatiens                          finds it irresistible …

Pine                                  is unable to reject the opportunity …

Clematis                           never says no to …

Larch                                can’t turn his back on …

Rock Water                      is unable to resist …

Cerato                              can’t refuse the temptation to …

 

The answers (in no particular order) are:

-    going over and over in his mind

-    to do the job by herself

-    the temptation to shut himself away

-    holding to rigidly held routines and principles

-    ask others for advice

-    all kinds of avenues to explore

-    the habit of avoiding risk

-    to blame herself, often unwarrantedly

-    be malicious and hurtful

-    the lure of day-dreaming