Boundaries

Boundaries are barriers that stop us from being inundated – physically, emotionally, or mentally.  If we don’t raise an umbrella against the rain, we can expect to get wet.   If we don’t put on coats and hats when it’s freezing, we can expect the cold to enter our bones. But when it comes to raising a sensible defence against the incoming tide of other people’s demands or expectations, we find ourselves unable to act.

Our life history may have led us to be people-pleasers and unable to say no.  But growth comes when we understand that the only way forward is through changes we make in our perspective.   Boundaries, Brene Brown tells us, are the key to self-love.  When we allow people to cross our flimsy and unreinforced boundaries, we lose our self-respect and make our work doubly hard next time someone persuades us to do something we want to decline.  It’s a sign that we’ve lost our self-respect when we become begrudging of our time and efforts and resentful.  When we’re genuinely willing to help another, we give freely of our time, care and intention.  ‘Generosity cannot exist without boundaries.’ ~ Brene Brown.

Our determination to be stronger and say no when necessary can be enhanced with the flower remedy Centaury.  This is particularly helpful for those who love to be of service but can’t refuse even when it’s against their better judgment. Depending on the need and situation, other remedies which might help include Oak, Elm, Olive, Willow. 

Part of our learning in this life is to recognise when challenges to our psyche arise: they’re an opportunity to face our weaknesses, identify our ‘fault lines’, develop self-discipline, and overcome an obstacle to growth so that we are stronger and wiser on the next occasion.