Hope, respair and despair

When we think of hope, we think of the uplifting gold of Gorse.  The sunshine yellow of sunflowers has a similar effect.

Both photos: Ally Matson

Despair is a word that comes from the Latin desperare, where ‘de’ means ‘down from or away’ and ‘sperare’ ‘to hope’.  Thus, the definition of despair is “the complete loss or absence of hope”.  When we need the Gorse flower remedy we have given up hope of solving our problems or recovering from a situation, but usually it’s not despair, more a lack of faith that things can always change for the better.  People who benefit from Gorse are uncertain that life can improve, rather than being at the end of their tether.

When Gorse is the appropriate remedy and works its magic, we feel the opposite of despair which is respair, a 16th Century word that means fresh hope, a recovery from despair.  The prefix ‘re’ in front of the ‘hope’ means ‘to start again’, just as it does in renewal, reconnect, re-emerge, reborn.  All words we associate with Spring and the return of life and hope.

Suffering and Stress

Photo: Leif Bersweden

This photo is a portrayal of distress.  It was taken by botanist Leif Bersweden, who said on Twitter, “If holly finds its leaves are being nibbled by deer, it switches genes on to make them spiky when they regrow.  So on taller holly trees, the upper leaves (which are out of reach) have smooth edges, while the lower leaves are prickly.”

This is a brilliant analogy for human response to our environment. When life is going well and we feel in harmony with the world, our leaves are smooth and elegant. When things go wrong, we get all twisted up and develop spiky points that keep others at a distance. Whether our reaction shows up as fear, uncertainty, despair, woolly-headedness, or intolerance, over-reaction etc, they are all damaging emotions.  Like the chewed holly, we are stressed.  The Holly flower essence is for such difficult emotions as spite, hatred, jealousy. But ‘difficult’ can also mean something that disturbs us and even keeps us awake at night; then other remedies may be more appropriate for our suffering and inability to find peace.

Taking the flower remedies can help us, metaphorically, make our leaves smooth and tranquil again.  The holly’s flat leaves mean it can take in more of the sun’s transformative light, in order to fulfil its life purpose.  There’s a human equivalent for that too. 

When we're not focused in the present - II

When we are travelling, whether by car, plane or public transport, it’s easy to see we might need the Clematis flower remedy.  Our mind is running on ahead, thinking of obstacles we may encounter, or the next stage of our trip, watching the time, going over our plans, anxious about what lies ahead.  Almost by definition we are not grounded in the present.

One of the many folk names for the wild Clematis Vitalba is Traveller’s Joy.  Relating this to the doctrine of signatures, we can see the connection with our lack of travelling mindfulness. The Clematis drifts over hedge after hedge, never content to remain in one place, forever roaming ahead.  It was termed Travellers Joy by the 17^th century herbalist John Gerard and my favourite interpretation of that comes from an article in the Guardian by Phil Gates. “… where my grandparents lived in the 1960s was half a mile from the nearest street lamp, and the bus stop across the road stood in total darkness on winter evenings… As the bus turned the corner its headlight beams would sweep along the downy clematis seed heads that clung to the hedge like clouds of smoke, before it drew to a halt and the doors opened to the light and warmth within. As we peered out through the steamed–up windows the traveller’s joy in the hedge became indelibly associated with that feeling of relief…”

Relief … interestingly, in the language of flowers, wild clematis stands for security and safety – the antithesis of woolly-headed meandering.  And so it is appropriate that when we take the Clematis essence, our energy and  attention is brought back to the here and now.  Our connection to the present is restored – safe and secure.

Drawing by Henck van Bilsen

 

 

Not focused in the present?

When we make silly mistakes, such as leaving our car keys in the fridge, or forgetting our phone, it’s usually because we are ‘miles away’ rather than living in the present.  It isn’t that we can’t focus on what needs attention right now, it’s just that our mind has temporarily escaped our control.  We don’t really hear what is said to us, we become physically uncoordinated – bumping into things – or we drive on ‘automatic pilot’, arriving home without being able to remember any of the journey.

Often this happens when we are tired and our poor brains, in struggling to cope with the endless input of stimuli or information, give up the attempt in a momentary AWOL.  Those who meditate learn how to bring their minds back to the present moment, but that’s not a choice for everyone.  Nor is escaping to a long holiday on a hot beach, which may be why we're day-dreaming.

Artist: Henck van Bilsen 

But what we can do is take a few doses of the Clematis flower remedy.  This helps us concentrate fully, bringing our energy back to the here and now.  Whether we are spaced out from tiredness, shock (after bad news, say, or an accident) or we’re just wool-gathering – instead of focusing on the work in hand – Clematis will bring our attention back to the present. “Attention is the art of connection and the reward for attention is always healing.” ~ Julia Cameron

Finding the time for patience

When we are feeling impatient we are often irritable as well, and these go together whenever time is a factor – slow-moving traffic, work deadlines, getting the children ready for school, queueing in shops and so on.

We find other people are too slow, and there are never enough hours in the day.  Some of this has arisen because technology is so instant:  it has trained us to be impatient and irritable with anyone who doesn’t reply to a text, voicemail or email within a few short minutes.  There’s a term for this impatience now – hurry sickness, “a malaise in which a person feels chronically short of time, and so tends to perform every task faster and to get flustered when encountering any kind of delay.”

Then according to British psychologist Lee Chambers*, “We lose patience with those we love who don’t move at the same speed […] and we struggle to be connected and empathetic, as emotional support for others is a time drain.”   This can lead to feeling that we are increasingly isolated from those around us.  If we constantly decline help (believing we can do everything faster by ourselves) other people will leave us to it.

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” African proverb

The stress related to this impatience and irritation is, of course, damaging to our health and it is even considered to be detrimental to our longevity, as revealed in a long-term study.  In Okinawa, Japan, there are twice as many locals (per 100,000) reaching 100 years old as there are in parts of Europe.  These Japanese centenarians have a slower sense of time, and little idea of punctuality.  They apparently have stress-resistant personalities, having been found to have a stress-resistance gene that is associated with longevity. 

Socialising is also one of the reasons many Okinawans live healthily to a hundred and more.  But, adds the research lead, Dr Bradley Willcox**, their secret to a long and healthy life, “really boils down to balance.” 

Balance is what most of us are looking for, to feel at peace, and in harmony with others, rather than out there all by ourselves.  Taking the flower remedy Impatiens will help to restore our equilibrium, and to remind us that we are all dependent on each other.

Image by uniquehumour    

* In the Huffington Post.

** As reported by the World Economic Forum

 

 

If you're putting on that 'happy' mask

This time of year can be one where we need Agrimony.  We are busy pretending that everything is going to be jolly and fun, rather than admitting that deep down life is anything but.  We’re putting a brave face on things for the sake of our children, and other loved ones, all the while wondering how we’re going to get through.  Think of the Emma Thompson character in the film, Love Actually, when she realises the necklace is not for her.

It can be necessary to put on a happy mask occasionally, and sometimes it can even help us to feel more positive.  But when we’re unable to acknowledge that the cheerful persona we’re adopting is at odds with how we’re feeling in reality, that disconnection can be destructive and unhealthy.  We can end up blocking our pain to the extent that we’re no longer true to ourselves.   This is when Agrimony is needed, when others are not allowed to see beyond our smiles.  We keep our suffering (and other people) at arm’s length by laughing, lively chat and social activity.  We are unable to connect with others because there is all this body-armour keeping our hearts apart.

Agrimony helps us to face our distress courageously and give it love and understanding.  This self-compassion will help us to re-connect with others, giving them our authentic selves, a love we all need badly at this time.

“The more you understand the more you love; the more you love, the more you understand.” Thich Nhat Hanh

From the film, Love Actually

Be more water

In The Comfort Book, Matt Haig suggests, ‘Get a routine baggy enough to live in’.  Sometimes it seems as though self-discipline, our diet, our daily regime are the only things we can control in this precarious world, and it can make us somewhat rigid in our outlook. That inflexibility (“No thanks, I never eat during the day.”) can be martyrish. Which wouldn’t matter so much if it only affected ourselves, but often it affects those around us too. We may become a bit of a perfectionist and that can be sensed by others as controlling. (“Was she hinting that I eat too much or don’t make enough effort to lose weight?”)

 

When someone is in an example-setting mood, it is hard for them to see they have become too strict with themselves and unyielding: “Self-discipline is good, right? And I believe we can all do better, so I don’t see any need to change.”  

 

‘Strict’ comes from the Latin word for ‘drawn tight’, or taut.  The Rock Water essence can help us to ease the ‘ought’ and ‘should’, worry less about controlling every aspect of our lives, and help us to be less like an immovable rock and more like the water that, without effort, always finds its way round any obstacle. 

 

Photo: Ally Matson

Rock Water

for the tauter daughter

of ‘Oughter’.